Popping in for a quick update since I realized I haven’t posted since the end of May. Oops.
I’ll get the number out of the way first, since I’m sure that’s what most people are curious about. I am down 30 lbs in just over 3 months. (Total since starting my keto journey is 45 lbs since I was still down about 15 from the first time.) Not a bad number really. Do I wish it were more? Well, duh. Thanks to social media, I will always compare my journey to others’ because I just can’t seem to help myself. But at the end of the day, this really is my own, unique journey and it’s unlike anyone else’s.
The biggest struggle I have been having recently is overcoming my addiction to using food as a coping mechanism. It’s what I have done almost my entire life, and that doesn’t just go away after a few weeks or months, or probably even years. It’s something I will likely struggle with forever. Which is rather disheartening when you see it typed out in black and white. But at the same time, coming to terms with that is what has kept me going this entire time. Have I had setbacks? Of course. I’m human. These last couple of weeks have been especially difficult because I dropped into one of my depressions and the desire to tuck those feelings away with food was so freaking strong. And I did give in on a few of those days and jumped head first back into the land of carbs.
And I realized something. The food didn’t actually do anything for me. Well, it did while I was physically eating it and for a short time afterward, but within an hour I was right back to being depressed and moody. I also felt like absolute garbage after each “cheat day” because my system isn’t used to eating like that anymore. I told my husband he better remind me of that the next time I want a cheat day lol. It soooo wasn’t worth it! Ugh.
So I turned to other things to make myself feel better. I journaled some more. I’m 3/4 of the way through my journal now, which is absolutely mind-boggling to me since normally I wouldn’t fill one up after 3 years, let alone 3 months. I cranked out art in a way I haven’t in years. I played around with my collection of makeup, even though I literally only leave the house to go grocery shopping most weeks. These things didn’t magically make my depression go away. The only thing that does make it go away is time. Acknowledging that and knowing that it WILL go away, is what got me through it. And what got me to jump right back on the keto train after I got sidetracked in Carbville.
That’s how I know this time really is different. Whenever I would “fail” like that previously, I would be unbelievably hard on myself, tell myself I’m hopeless, worthless, etc. and give up completely. But I’m not giving up. I am just five little pounds away from 50 total lost, and you bet your butt I will get there.